How to Honor a Life in Ten Minutes

How do I possibly convey my deep respect and love for my father in this speech? Greg Remundo lost count of the times he asked that question in the fall of 2023. He was excited to speak at his dad’s 80^th birthday party—hundreds would be there to celebrate this pillar of the Clovis,California community—and Greg wanted to make sure he honored dad with nothing less than the best possible speech. So he called a friend: do you know any writers that can help me? His friend suggested me.

When I spoke to Greg on the phone, it quickly became clear that he had an unusual bond with his father. It didn’t take much coaxing for him to start listing the reasons he admired his father. And he had a lot of stories. I knew the challenge was going to be finding the right stories to tell, the ones that best portrayed Greg’s father’s character. To get there, I needed to ask questions that helped Greg pull the right memories and emotions out of the massive reserve available to him. To do that, I asked the most specific questions I could.

           “Give me three words that best describe your dad’s character.”

           “Now tell me one story that best portrays that aspect of your dad.”

           “What’s as kill or mindset your dad taught you that you use every day?”

“What’s one story about your dad that no one but you, your siblings, and your mom know about him?”

“Give me an example of how your dad’s faith showed up in his life.”

Those questions helped Greg select one or two stories at a time and, as he told those stories, talk about his dad’s decisions, character, faith, and leadership. The specific questions also helped Greg simplify what seemed like an impossible task: boiling down a remarkable man’s long life intoa 10-minute speech.  

Greg and I spoke for an hour. After our conversation, I had the joy of writing the speech, organizing Greg’s memories into a tribute. When I finished, I emailed a draft to Greg. We hopped back on the phone and discussed a few changes. Greg also read the story out loud, which helped him identify any sentences that didn’t quite sound like him. It also was great practice for giving the speech.

Here is the final version:

I want to start by thanking each of you for being here today. It is a blessing to be together as we celebrate the kindness of God in giving my dad to all of us, especially to my brothers and I and our dear mother, his wife of 53 years.

There are a million reason why I love my dad. There are a thousand stories I could tell.But I want to make sure all of you who love my dad learn something about him today. So I want to tell you about a unique habit of his that I’m fairly certain none of you know about, other than my mom and brothers. In fact, it’s something I’d heard of, but never seen with my eyes, until I was 28 years old sleeping on my parent’s couch the year after my baseball career winded down.One of my first nights there, I hear a stirring in the kitchen. It’s around midnight, maybe 1:00 a.m. I wake up, half-expecting to see a racoon or a squirrel digging into the pantry. Instead, it’s dad. He is absolutely crushing a Danish. Then he pours himself a generous glass of chocolate milk. Keep in mind, dad is not sleep walking. He’s very much awake. In his right mind. Doing exactly what he wants to in the middle of the night. After polishing off the milk, he disappears, like a ghost, retreating to bed.

These midnight snack sessions would become a regular part of the routine over the next coupleo f years. More than once, dad would open the fridge, find the whipped cream, and enjoy a mouthful. No Danish necessary. The topping was the main course.

I’m so glad I got to experience this side of dad. It may sound strange, but those midnight snacks, and the circumstances surrounding them, helped me understand my dad more and deepened my love for him.

As I said, at the time I was sleeping on my parent’s couch because my professional baseball career had just ended. For the past seven years, I’d been part of a number of different minor league teams. I’d had some successes. Some disappointments.Eventually, I’d realized it was time to leave baseball and start my own business. Of course, being a minor leaguer for all those years, I hadn’t made a ton of money. Couldn’t afford to buy a house or rent office space for my new business. At that critical moment in my career, my parent’s stepped in. They not only let me sleep on the couch rent free. They also let me use a corner of their house as my office. From a financial perspective, that was critical. I was able to invest everything I had in growing the business. And by God’s grace, the company did grow. God is, of course, the one who provided that growth, but my parent’s generosity was the means he used to jumpstart the business. That generosity was not surprising. My parents had sacrificed so much for me through the years. As a poor, broke minor leaguer, dad was always giving me a hundred bucks to buy food or fill up a tank of gas. Before that, I’ll never forget my dad paying for me to go to Japan when I was in high school to playin a World Baseball championship. He bought me a truck when I was seventeen.And I know he did the same for my brothers, always making sure they had those kinds of opportunities. Keep in mind, dad worked for the city of Clovis. I know they treated him well, but this is a government job. My dad didn’t have endless wealth so all those financial sacrifices for me and my brothers were actual sacrifices. My parents had to give up something to support us in that way.

That time sleeping on my parent’s couch, hanging with dad and his Danishes in the middle of the night, is also a great example of my dad’s presence in my life. When I needed a place to stay and an office space, he was there, encouraging and supporting me. Throughout my baseball career, from little league through high school, into college and throughout my years as a pro, no one was more invested in my career than him. When I played in the Cali league for three years, I’ll never forget he’d drive from here in Clovis to Lake Elsinor to watch me play.That’s a four-and-a-half-hour drive. He’d even come after work. He and my mom would show up in the second inning, stay until the seventh, then make the four-and-half-hour drive back home so he could be at work the next day. At the time, I don’t think I truly appreciated what a sacrifice my parents were making. I was too focused on myself and my performance on the field. Now, I understand the great love in those long drives. They still wanted to watch me play, even when I was an adult. They’d watch me play probably thousands of hours of baseball at that point. Yet, they understood the value of simply being there to support your children, no matter their age.

Another reasonI wanted to tell you the midnight snack story is because I want you to know that dad has a sweeter side. Yes, he has a sweet tooth, but he’s also a kind, patient man. This is a remarkable aspect of dad’s character because he is a no-nonsense, tough guy. Growing up, I knew that dad had expectation of me and my brothers. When it was time to practice baseball, we weren’t there to play around. We were there to work. Excuses were not allowed. He wanted things done with excellence. And he always made sure that if we started something, we were going to finish it. You see, dad is a former Marine. He served in the late 60sand early 70s, through the Vietnam War. He never sat at his home trying to figure out what to do. He acted. He worked hard, whether that was in theMarines or throughout his decades working for the city of Clovis. So, without a doubt, dad is tough. The toughest man I know. But like his midnight trips to the kitchen, he’s not afraid to embrace his sweeter side. When I was struggling, especially during a particularly tough stretch of my baseball career, he’d always have the right words to say. He’d say “Mijo, it’s going to be all right.You’re going to work through this. You have before and you will again. Just hang in there.” In those moments, his gentleness and mercy were like balms to my soul.

Of course, his kindness is most evident not in how he shepherded and cared for me throughout my baseball career, but in how he has shepherded and cared for his wife, my mother, for the past 53 years. His faithfulness to her, his care and concern for her, is a constant lesson to me and all of us. He models for us how a husband should be, really must be, faithful to his wife. Of course, the grace of God has kept their marriage strong through all these years. But in God’s providence and grace, dad’s unique combination of toughness, hard-work, faithfulness, perseverance, and sweetness is evident in his loyalty to my mom.

I certainly pray the Lord give me and my precious wife the same longevity in our marriage.If he does, it will be in no small part because of the example I’ve seen in m ymom and dad.

So my dad is generous. He’s faithful. He’s tough. He’s kind. He’s loyal. All of these are character traits I want to emulate. And I want to pass on to my children. But there’s one I haven’t mentioned yet. One that, I think, stands above the rest.My dad is trustworthy. He lets his yes by yes and his no be no. Growing up, I always knew that if my dad told me something, he was going to do it. There’s something so wonderful, knowing that you can believe your father. The Bible rejoices in the fact that our heavenly Father is trustworthy. The Psalmist rejoices “My God, in whom I trust!” When God says something will happen, we know it will. From a human perspective, I’ve seen that trustworthiness in my dad. When he had something to say, I was going to listen because I knew he was a man of truth and integrity. I pray I can teach my children to value the truth and a life of integrity. Whether we are playing sports, working, studying God’sWord or serving the church, I want our family to let our yes be yes and our no be no. I want us to commit, then carry out our commitment. Like my dad, I want my children to be known for their integrity more than their ability.

Well dad, I pray what I’ve said today helps you understand how much I love and respect you.After my Lord Jesus Christ, who has saved me and redeemed me from my sins, no other man has had a greater impact on my life. You laid the groundwork for so much of who I am, for how I work, how I lead my business, how I care for my wife, and how I understand what it means to be a Father. Thank you. I pray that tonight when you wake up, you find a beautiful Danish, a glass of milk, and a brand-new bottle of whipped cream waiting for you. Happy 80^th birthday.

A few months after Greg gave this speech, his father passed away. Greg called me and told me the family had asked him to speak at the funeral. We followed the same process we had before. We talked on the phone for an hour, working to find specific, and fresh, stories that best captured the entire life of his father. In this situation, the stakes seemed higher, but the task was the same. Ask about specific events, conversations, memories, trials, joys, and landmarks in his dad’s life. Once those are identified, organize them so that the audience feels like they understand who Greg’s dad was and how he impacted him. They don’t have to know everything about Greg’s dad. They just need to know how Greg wants them to remember him.

Here is Greg’s Memorial Speech for His Father:

On behalf of my wife and children, my siblings, and our beloved mother, and so many friends who have been like family, I’m standing here with a nearly impossible job . . . to capture my father’s 80 remarkable years in the next few minutes. My prayer is that my words will help you understand why so many admired my father, who many of you know by his nickname Cowboy. More importantly, I pray you see what I see .. . the grace of God poured out abundantly in his life.

I think there are a few places you can see dad’s character and God’s grace most clearly. The first is the alarm clock I have with me. For decades, it woke him at 4:30 each morning. It’s the perfect symbol of one of the central features of my dad’s life: his work ethic. The man worked his tail off. While me and my siblings were sleeping, my dad was providing. He worked for the city of Clovis. First, as a garbage man. Then he spent several decades with the city’s water works department. Those weren’t jobs with a lot of fanfare. He didn’t perform for50,000 people in a stadium. His was an audience of four . . . his wife and three children who God called him to care for. By God’s grace, he was able to achieve something even more special than fame and fortune: consistent, determined, faithful provision. When he retired in 2011, he had been with the city of Clovis for nearly 40 years and was the city’s longest standing employee. At the end of his career, his long-time boss Manuel said of my father that he was faithful, loyal, trustworthy. He could always depend on my dad to get the job done.

I don’t care for the phrase self-made man, because all of us are made by God in his image, but from a human sense, there’s rarely been a man who accomplished more with less. Dad’s parents immigrated from Mexico, where my grandpa worked on the railroads. Here in the states, they didn’t have much. Dad was born here into modest means and as he grew, he built a life with his bare hands. Dad understood the value of all work. Because he did, he provided a wonderful childhood for our family. That’s something I will never, ever forget. For that reason, I am going to keep my father’s alarm clock. Every time it sounds, Iwill remember all my father did for so many because he was willing to put in the work.

A second object that defines my dad is my first baseball glove. It couldn’t be here today.That’s because I used it so much when I was a kid, it fell to pieces years ago.Dad bought me that glove when I was twelve years old. We got it at Blossers, a sporting goods store in Fresno. It cost around $120. That was a lot of money for our family. Dad had to give up something so I could have the best glove possible. He made an investment in me. He was always investing in his children.He didn’t work to earn money so he could have what he wanted. He gave us all the resources he could afford to help us along the way.

Now when I say dad helped us, I don’t mean he took it easy on us or was gentle and soft with me and my brothers. That wasn’t his approach. In baseball, as in life, dad seta high standard of excellence. When we practiced baseball, we did not mess around. We took it seriously. Dad clearly explained the goal and he didn’t feel sorry for us if we had to work hard to achieve the goal. Dad was firm and tough not because he wanted us to be famous, rich, or somehow validate him. He was firm and tough because he loved us and he wanted to help us build character and do things the right way.

The best place to see dad’s beautiful character is in his response to one of the toughest seasons of my baseball career. It was 2002. I was playing for the CincinnatiReds organization at the time. They’d assigned me to their Stockton farm team, part of the California league. But for the first half of the season, I was barely playing. I’d get in the lineup once a week. Spent most of my time catching bullpen. It was the lowest of the low for me professionally. At theAll-Star break, I had a conversation with dad. I said, “dad, I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m tired. I’m ready to move on. This is as far as I can go in baseball.” Well, my dad wasn’t about to say it was ok if I quit halfway through the season. This is how he responded to my pity party. “Mijo, I didn’t teach you to quit. Go back. See what happens. Be patient.” I’m so glad I listened to dad. The first game after the All-Star break, I was in the lineup. I was batting eight. I get a few hits. They move me up to seventh. Few games later,I’m moved up to sixth. I kept hitting well. By God’s grace, I kept moving up the lineup. I ended up having one of the best seasons of my career.  Our team won the division. Then we won the league, beating Modesto for the northern division championship. I’ll never forget seeing my dad in the parking lot after the game. He still came to many of my games. He grabs me and says, “Mijo, you did it.” He wasn’t talking about the championship. He wasn’t proud of me because of the victory. He was proud of me because I’d stuck with it. I’d finished the job. I didn’t quit. That’s what made him proud. We went on to beat Lake Elsinore for the California league championship and my parents were there to celebrate. For my dad, it was a celebration of doing it the right way, of embracing the opportunity and making the most of it. Dad cared far more about my character than my career or accomplishments. I’ll always, always be grateful for a father who helped me stay the course and never quit.

But, as grateful as I am for my father’s perseverance, commitment to his family, and hard work, what I most cherish about my father, and what I will remember most about him, isn’t actually anything he did or said. It’s what God did for him.God was patient and kind and did not give up on my dad.

You see, even though my father was a hard-working, faithful, loving dad, he did not have a relationship with the Lord. He did not go to church with my mother, the mostGod-fearing, faithful mother anyone could ask for. And at home, his lack of faith and tough personality didn’t always make it easy on my mother. But she always loved him, cared for him, and I am convinced it was her testimony that changed him. 1 Peter 3:1-2 says “Wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.” My mother is a living, breathing example of that verse. Over the course of their 53-year marriage, she gradually won my father to Christ by her godly conduct.

It didn’t happen suddenly. There wasn’t a dramatic conversion. But around the age of 75, my father stopped challenging God and started seeking him. It led to some of my most cherished memories with my father.

In 2018, not long after my father started to pursue Christ, we went on a hunting trip toNevada. In the car, we listened to sermons from Voddie Baucham, a pastor I admire. I couldn’t believe how intently dad was listening. He’d be in the passenger seat, Bible open, taking notes. In Nevada, after a long day of hunting, I’d be making dinner and dad would be reading his Bible, highlighting it, getting ready for a Bible study the following week. I always believed God changed people. He’d changed me. But I don’t know if I’d ever experienced his power and grace in such a beautiful, kind way before that trip to Nevada. My father was a different man. And I got to experience it.

A few month slater, in March of 2019, my father came with me to Los Angeles for theShepherd’s Conference at Grace Community Church. That week meant so much to me.Shepherd’s Conference is for pastors and Christian leaders. I always learn alot and meet so many friends and like-minded people. To experience it with my dad was everything. Such a kindness of the Lord.  

In 2020, my father had a stroke. That changed him physically. Traveling, or even leaving home, became a lot tougher. He depended more on my mother. And in that dependency, I saw something beautiful. After 50 years of marriage, my parents become closer than they’d ever been. There final three years together were, in many ways, the sweetest. That was because of Christ. Nothing unites two souls more than a common commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ.

Throughout2023, eternity drew close for my father. He struggled physically. But in those final days, he experienced a deeper unity with his family. My brothers, AJ andThomas, have never been more like Christ than in the final months and weeks of my dad’s life. Their desire was to be with him every waking moment. They did such a wonderful job caring for him and my mother and showing my father how much they loved him. It was truly remarkable and I am so thankful for them. We are here today filled with gratitude for the family my father built and for the faith Christ has given us and we were able to share in these final years before my dad went to heaven.

And that’s where my father is now. In heaven. I’m as sure of that as I am that the sun will rise tomorrow. Because dad is in the presence of Christ, he wouldn’t want to come back here. But if he could, I think I know what he would say to all of us. He’d quote Romans 8:28 “All things work together for good to those who loveGod, to those who are called according to his purpose.” And he’d tell all of us to find joy, hope, rest, comfort in knowing that God is sovereign and that he loves us.”

Well, I love you dad. You finished well. You fought the good fight. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for loving my family. I can’t wait to see you again where, together, we will praise God, singing Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lamb who saved me and saved you.

It was a privilege to work with Greg, to help him honor his father. I’m grateful that he was willing to work with a writer, to organize his thoughts, give structure to his speech, and be specific in his stories. The result was two beautiful tributes that meant a lot to his family and the many people who admired his father.

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